Chapter Eighteen: Choices Made.

It was the 198th Year since A-Day. As expected, the Returning accelerated as more people filled the world. An average of twenty thousand per day was established, through the pattern was hard to define. There was speculation that it was random. There was also speculation that the Returnees were being picked for specific reasons. After fifty years, it hardly made a difference any more.

The Family Tree grew exponentially, almost everyone who came back was eager to find where they fit. The World's Fair began again, and became a popular spot for people who wanted to understand how the centuries had affected human culture and technology.

People who came back were met, educated, and made their choice. Most accepted the world at face value, after a while. Some kept looking for some confidence trick, or dark secret. Some made their choice according to values other than truth and life.

~~/*\~~

Beckah woke up at about four in the morning and noticed the bed was cold. She reached for Alec without opening her eyes, and he wasn't there. Getting up, she went out to the backyard. Alec had been tearing down and rebuilding their home, room by room, since they'd moved in. Beckah left him to it. With the kids grown up, she had taken work in organizing conventions and assemblies; which took less time logistically, but kept her interacting with other communities fairly often.

A side effect of her new role was that she had to be on call for other time zones now and then. She had missed Alec when she'd come home and turned in for the night. Except that he apparently hadn't joined her.

Insomnia was not a common problem in paradise, so she came out and joined him in his workshop. He was working a piece of wood that he would turn into part of their kitchen. "New tools?" She asked him.

"New chisel." He admitted. "Gift from a Japanese Returnee. He made swords for Samurai; now he makes woodworking tools. Same steel, different design."

"Swords into hand tools." She murmured. "You heard from Lucy today?"

"Not since yesterday." He said without turning. "She says she arrived safely in St Louis and may have a line on her birth mother." It had come as a bit of a shock to learn that the second child Beckah had carried was genetically someone else's. A resurrection of a life that had ended before birth.

(Author's Note: See ‘Just See Yourself' for more information on this topic.)

"I was trying not to wake you." He said softly.

"You didn't. But you know I sleep better when you're there. Little late for this, though." She promised him quietly. He liked working with hand tools because it was almost meditative for him. "Everything okay?"

"My first Blue Letter." Alec said quietly. "You remember Marlin?"

"I remember."

Alec handed his wife a piece of paper from his pocket. She turned it to the moonlight and started reading.

~~/*\~~

Alec,

You can probably guess why I'm writing you this letter. Back in the day, we wrote letters to families and delivered them for each other when it was needed.

I do not fear death, my friend. Where I grew up; it was too constant a companion. If death was feared, you could not so much as go out. You and your friends gave me a whole lifetime without death being mentioned, and I thank you. I had a list of all the things I wanted to achieve, and at the top of the list was ‘grow old'. I failed in that, but I got a second chance. I know you keep telling me that the rules have changed, but they haven't.

I lived with my fear as a young man, by telling myself that something can be all the more precious because it was brief. I had a clear view on what was ‘asking too much' of the universe; and time was asking too much. God and I had an understanding. I stopped begging him for help, and he stopped expecting my loyalty.

With that understanding, you can imagine that I hold a different view on a good and successful life than you do. I know you think me a fool, but when I was young, I knew to decide early what I wanted. As you would say: What Paradise Meant To Me. I had that decided from the moment I heard the first cannons fire. Twilight is drawing to a close, and the people I am with have given up begging me to change my mind. The simple truth that none of your brotherhood has ever understood is that Paradise doesn't have to be eternal. It never has before.

I have done more than I thought I could ever hope to do, and seen more than I ever dreamed could be real. I consider my life to be well spent and very successful. Raise a glass to me, my friend; and do not weep.

Yours with gratitude,

Marlin.

~~/*\~~

Beckah read the letter twice, but she knew all she needed by the first paragraph. The rest was just her trying to think of what to say. Finally, she put the letter away and laid her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, love."

"For all his talk about a ‘rich full life', he was still less than half our vintage. He died of old age, Beckah."

If you're gonna go, it's still the preferred option. Beckah thought, but didn't say it out loud. "He wasn't your son, or even your responsibility. You were just his welcome wagon. You've had to give the speech more than once."

"I know." Alec admitted. "Free Will means everyone gets to make their own choice."

"Seems to me like he made this one for reasons that mattered to him." Beckah said plainly. "Doesn't mean it's the right choice, doesn't mean we agree, but… People do what they do, and this is the one choice nobody can make for them. In fact, most choices are like that when you get right down to it. Marlin wasn't acting out of ignorance. He decided to live fast instead of long."

Alec nodded. "I hear that the first Green Letter died the same way. Remember, the Returning we saw recorded?"

"I remember." Beckah said quietly. "I wonder if it was guilt, or sheer determination that he was right and the world was wrong?"

"I don't know. I never met him." Alec sighed. "Some people would rather die than admit they needed to change, even these days." He shoved the chisel into the wood a little harder. "No matter what you try to say to them."

"This wasn't your fault." His wife insisted. "Alec, you like to believe that all people are good, deep down. You can blame their family, or their circumstances, or luck for the bad ends and bad judgements; but remember that plenty of JW's were raised in the truth and decided to leave. It's not their surroundings, or everyone would make the right choice."

"In my head, I know that." He admitted. "But…"

"I knew Marlin. He was a charming enough guy, but even I could tell he had no interest in anything that he didn't pick for himself. We didn't keep him chained up here. He saw the whole world in his lifetime. He met far more people than thee and me. If he couldn't be convinced by seeing the whole world at peace, and almost nobody going grey except for him… what exactly could you have said?"

"I don't know, but something." Alec said quietly. "There must have been something."

"Alec, we've had conversations with Angels. If the right words was what it took…"

"I know." Alec sighed. "He wasn't a Green Letter. He wasn't a victim, or a criminal, or a king. He was just a regular guy who refused to change his life, no matter what."

"The world was full of them." Beckah offered. "Every generation looks at the one before and wonders what was wrong with them for the things they believed. There was a newcomer at the last meeting who insists ‘he's not prejudiced, but blacks should have their own meeting halls' and one of my bible studies is still trying to convince me that the earth is flat, no matter how many pictures I show her."

"What is it?" Alec asked, almost laughing at his own helplessness. "What pushes a person over that line? It can't be just upbringing, because we've seen people break out of whatever they were taught as children. It's not circumstances, because we've taken everyone out of every difficult and traumatising life they've ever lived. It's not just demonic influence, because there isn't any now." He turned to her. "I wish I knew what that X Factor was."

"Sometimes I wonder if even God knows." Beckah sighed, and took the tool from his hand. "But I do know you won't find the answer tonight. Especially if you don't get some sleep."

Alec put his tools away and pulled a wine bottle from his bag. "Marlin sent me this. Something to add to the cellar." He said nothing more as he let his wife lead him back inside, and up to bed.

Long silence.

"I'd almost forgotten what it looked like." Alec whispered into the dark as she settled beside him. "I'm over a century old now. But I don't feel older, don't look older, and neither does anyone else. The kids are all grown up, and the trees are full-grown. If it wasn't for those trees, I wouldn't even have noticed time moving forward for a good century or so. I almost forgot what old age looks like."