Chapter Six: Change Is Harder Alone

A week after The Day, everyone realized they still had to do things.

Nobody had re-established communications with the world, beyond putting someone in a car and sending them to the next territory over. There were rumors that Europe and Australia were abandoning the towns completely; setting themselves up elsewhere.

In this area; the Survivors had collected some camping gear and moved to a large campground. They were living in tents and sleeping bags, so making use of the facilities was the simplest move.

Biggs had slept rough before, but he'd never gone camping. Every night there were cookouts; every night there was singing around the bonfire. But it felt more bizarre to him than anything he'd been through during Tribulation.

Little by little, people were making their way outwards, looking to see what was still standing.

And Biggs found he was desperate to leave.

~~/*\~~

"You know I don't really approve, right?" Kit said as Biggs slung a backpack he'd found in Prison Storage. "And I don't mean to sound like so parental, but… I think the last few months have proven that we're safest when we stick together. Change is harder alone."

"What are you worried about? You think I'm going to fall in with a bad crowd out there?"

"No." Kit admitted with a scoff. "But I'm not sure what you expect to find."

"Me neither. It…" Biggs waved inarticulately. "It feels like being halfway to anything. I'm free to go anywhere I like, but there's nowhere to go. I'm among friends, but I don't really know anyone. I'm not in Prison anymore; but the rooms are small and crowded; and everyone's back on a shower schedule…"

"You know it's not the same thing." Kit probed. "I mean, you must know that, or you wouldn't be here."

"I know, but everyone else is seeing a very clear line between 'before' and 'after' and I'm just not. I needed… I don't know." He gave his sister the most lost look she'd ever seen. "I spent so long inside. It's a lifetime, Kit. I felt like I was in three different time-zones the second I stepped out of jail; let alone everything that's come after."

Kit hugged him tightly. "I get that. But you could at least let us give you a send-off."

"Oh, yes. That'll be far less awkward." Biggs scoffed, before giving his sister an earnest look. "These are your people, Sis. Mine too, but… I gotta figure some stuff out. We both do, but you need them to do it. I'm not sure what I need yet, but I know it's not here."

There was a brief silence as they walked on.

"We never did cover this part of it, did we?" Kit said as they left the Camp behind. "All those times we talked about Paradise; and how it would be different… We never covered how we'd get there, doing all the things we want to do."

"Eternity is one week old." Biggs told her. "If there's one thing I've learned from my life until now, it's patience." He gestured ahead. "But the only thing I never got to have was an open road. Now I've got one. It's possible I may hate every second of it, but I won't know until…"

"I guess that makes sense." Kit moped a bit. "But I still want you to stay."

Biggs paused, and looked back at her carefully. They were a little ways from the others, and with their relative privacy, he hugged her hard. "Listen, I don't know much about what the world is like now, but I know this: We'll have everything we need."

"I'm not worried about starving to death without you, or-"

"No, I mean everything." Biggs insisted. "I read this quote once: 'Be the adult you needed when you were a child. Well, I have no idea how to do that, but I needed more than a 'parent'. I needed… friends. Teachers. Protectors. We had bad teachers and worse friends. The only people to protect me were criminals, and they wanted things in return. Wrong things. Then I got… well, this. This group. This family. They stood up for me before they knew my name. Nobody's ever done that before. And I was out for a day when I needed a whole lot more."

"Teachers." Kit repeated with a nod. "I needed a teacher. I had to figure out so much for myself, and I was so bad at it… I wanted someone who would teach me how to 'adult'. I wound up with the worst kind of people…" She shivered. "I spent my life trying to figure out all the things I saw Mrs Brady do on TV; and I never got any of them right."

"I only remember so many verses." Biggs confessed. "One of them was about the 'Real Life'. I needed that, given the life I was living a year ago." He gestured around. "This is better, but it isn't a Real Life. Not yet."

"It's not exactly a Paradise yet, either." Kit admitted. "Wouldn't surprise me if a few of the fires are still burning from The Big Day."

"Exactly. Everyone in there… I love them all, but I don't know if I like them. I've been in a cage my whole life. A crowd is worse. I'm under siege here."

"From kindness?"

"Well… yeah. Kindness can break you when cruelty makes you tougher." Biggs admitted. "It's a wartime friendship. But this is peacetime. The ultimate peacetime, in fact." He gestured at the open road. "I don't know what I'll find, but it'll be a 'before' and 'after' for me."

~~/*\~~

The highway back to town was empty; except for the odd smouldering car. The prisoners had been denied news, but Biggs had heard stories of marauders on the highways; stealing fuel and food from travellers. He wasn't sure if he should do something about the wrecks. He had no equipment to move them, nor did he have anywhere to take them, save for the side of the road. There had been no sign of anyone else.

Biggs spent the walk in prayer, considering his options. There had been a lot of speeches back at the Camp about freedom and deliverance; but most of the people were just waiting for someone to find them and clue them in.

Biggs was lost in his thoughts, and suddenly noticed it was dusk. He'd walked the highway until the sun started setting. Looking ahead, he saw buildings. He'd made it back to the edge of town. It was still. There wasn't even smoke rising. No sign of civilization burning down. It was a beautiful day.

The sunset was incredible. The whole sky seemed painted, like the clouds were placed specifically to make the sky look more brilliant and vibrant.

I wonder... Biggs thought to himself. Back when we were kids, mom called it 'God's Paintbrush'. I wonder if that was really true. I wonder if God painted the sky for Adam and Eve. On their first day out of Eden, did the sky seem more bland?

The wonder of the question stayed with him until the stars came out.

At this part of the road, there was grass alongside the concrete. The grass was long and cool; and despite himself; Biggs suddenly noticed that he was tired. There had been no sign of people.

Without giving it much thought, Biggs laid out in the grass to watch the sky for a moment. He'd never told his sister, but the sky intimidated him. He'd only seen the stars through a small window for the majority of his life. Having the entire sky overhead was… immense. So big and wide above that he briefly thought it might fall on him.

He heard the sound of breathing, and sat bolt upright. In the dark, there was nothing. But he heard a short, panting breath; and the click of claws on concrete…

Out of the night came a dog. A large Labrador, as far as Biggs could see in the dark. And as the dog crouched next to him with a whimper; Biggs could suddenly see it was a service dog, wearing a vest, and with a handle waving back and forth on his back.

"Hi." Biggs said to the dog. "Well… I guess you're looking for a new job too, huh? I'm guessing you're pretty confused. But I'm really just here for a nap; so I don't need a guide dog."

The dog started tugging at his sleeve, being very insistent.

Biggs stared at him. "I'm told that when a service dog shows up, in full uniform, with no master; it's because you're looking for help. But I doubt that's the case today." The dog kept tugging at him. "Okay, okay. Let's go for a walk."

~~/*\~~

The Dog came swiftly to attention when Biggs gripped the harness. It was dark, and Biggs could barely see more than thirty feet without streetlights, but he was holding onto a guide dog, and that was enough.

The dog led him off the road, then over grass, to a small building. The door was open, and Biggs pushed his way in. He'd been in prison for breaking and entering. He didn't want to start his time in Paradise by walking into a strange house, even if it was only about a hundred feet square. "Hello?" He called ahead, louder than he needed to. His voice echoed off the house in the dark. He hit the lightswitch automatically. No power.

He called again, and again; but there was no answer. There was nobody in need of help, and no sign of anybody there. The bed was unmade, but no mess…

It was late, and Biggs was more interested in sleep than anything else. He knew better than to take the bedroom, and there was no guest room or couch. He had been ready to sleep on the grass. A thick rug in front of a fireplace was luxury, compared to a prison cot. It took some doing to get the fireplace open. It hadn't been used for a while, but there was a pile of wood in the fireplace that was probably meant to be decorative originally.

"Nobody can accuse me of stealing, if I stop and make a fire to sleep by." Biggs said to the dog as he built the fire. "But just in case, you're my character witness. Just tell them you invited me."

Biggs stretched out on the rug, gazing at the fire; and jumped as the dog ran into the next room, and came back pulling a blanket. The dog pulled the blanket over him, and then lay flat against his spine.

Despite himself, Biggs felt so warm and cozy he nearly cried. The fire warmed his front, and the dog warmed his back.

Jehovah God, my first night walking the empty road alone; and by nightfall I have someone here to tuck me in for sleep and keep me company. Nobody's ever tucked me in before. Not even my mom… Biggs sniffed back the emotion. I've never lived in a world where there's always someone or something to offer you love. And if I'm honest, I wouldn't have accepted the gesture if it was coming from a human. The Chaplin talked about how God was punishing the world with hurricanes and earthquakes. Kit taught me that You never judge without giving warning… And then she warned me. Thank you.

The dog shifted, resting his head over Biggs' arm.

Biggs petted him absently, still praying. I don't know what the rules of this world are. Even after I got the Truth, I had to fight bad thoughts, hour after hour. For all the talk about what's taken away from us in Prison, we're not limited in any vice. I was their best customer… And I wasn't always saying no. It's a testament to Your great mercy that you forgave me for… for being so bad at being good. I don't know if the rules have changed; if I'm still able to sin. I hope not. I would hate to go through the storm and wreck myself on a suddenly calm sea… But please, don't let me fall away now… Please, please don't write zooey apples into cheese-

His thoughts faded into confusion as he fell asleep, mid-prayer.

~~/*\~~

Biggs woke up to daylight. There were no blinds or curtains on the windows. The fireplace had burned to ashes, and there was still no sign of anyone. With daylight, he could get a clear look at the place. No pictures or paintings on the walls or shelves. No books, no TV. The light above was a bare socket, with no lightbulb.

The service dog pushed at his hand as he sat up, and then crouched in front of him. He was twisting and turning on his paws.

"Oh." Biggs suddenly understood, and bent down to undo the harness. "Sorry, I should have done that last night." The dog wriggled free of the vest, and flopped down on a folded blanket; like he'd done it a thousand times before. Except the dog was looking towards a large easychair; head down on his front paws. The dog looked... sad.

Biggs sighed and sat on the floor beside him. "Your master wasn't a believer, I guess. You poor thing. Only one chair, no lightbulbs, fireplace unused. I'm guessing he didn't have a lot of guests. You may have been his only friend."

The dog nuzzled his hand.

"I know. I'm sorry." Biggs said with a sigh. "We all lost people we knew." He yawned. "Let's find you some food and get on with the day."

~~/*\~~

Biggs ate. The bread was stale, but he'd had worse. Everything in the refrigerator had spoiled; but Biggs wasn't staying. When he went outside, he got a look at things. The highway was a hundred or so feet away. Biggs was in a little row of buildings along a side street. There were only a few buildings, most of them boarded up. The only place that seemed to be in use was the parking lot by the storefront. There were a few cars; no sign of anyone. The area behind the parking lot was construction.

The dog appeared at his hip.

"So, let me guess." Biggs said to the dog. "They tore down the subdivision to put in a truck stop on the highway; and your guy was the only one who stayed, because he was the only one with nowhere to go. Been there." Biggs looked around the empty area. "In fact I'm still there. Nowhere to be, and the whole world open to me."

Biggs turned back to the highway and started walking again, only to discover the dog keeping pace with him. Biggs paused. "Oh, no you don't."

The dog looked up at him patiently.

"Look, I'm barely housebroken myself; and you're on the rebound from your last human. Shoo. Go find a nice poodle and raise some kids."

The dog kept pace with him anyway.

"Fine. Change is harder alone." Biggs sighed. "But I'm not moving into your place. We'll find somewhere else."

~~/*\~~

Biggs didn't leave the area. The only other place not smashed up or boarded shut was a storefront, directly at the parking lot. Biggs went in. A huge open space, a counter, and the door behind it lead to a storeroom, which included some stairs to the second level. The upstairs was a two room apartment.

The storeroom had some assorted sundries. A box of ground coffee, a crate of toilet paper, and a stack of old newspapers. Tables and chairs were stacked in the back of the room.

He looked around the small apartment. No sign of anyone, though there hadn't exactly been a pile of bodies left after The Day.

Then he heard the engine. A car. The first one he'd heard in a week.

Biggs went downstairs, not sure if he should go out and flag it down, or try to run away. There was no reason to run, except that it was his first instinct. Then he saw who got out of the car; and his shoulders slumped.

Kit let herself into the store. "Should have stuck with us another few days. I could have given you a ride if you had somewhere to be." She said lightly.

"How'd you find me?"

"I didn't. I was driving past, and figured I'd check the place when I saw the only building for a hundred miles that has the door open." Kit reported. "So. How goes the soul searching?"

"After two days? No answers yet, but the questions are making more sense." He admitted. "All the talk about what to do in Paradise, and I was lost. I mean, I never got to choose my own clothing, or what to have for breakfast; and now I'm being asked where I want to 'build my own home' and start 'planting vineyards'." He shook his head hard. "It's easier for me to comprehend Judgement Day than it is to picture Paradise as a place to live."

"I get that too. You need to process, and you've never had the chance to do that. Not in your own space. It's the only thing you've never had. Everyone else… They need to be with each other, right now. Everyone they know is either in our camp... or gone forever. I get that you're working on a different feeling."

"Thank you."

There was a quiet 'wruf', and Kit looked down to see the Labrador. "Oh. You've made a friend."

"I can't seem to make him go away, so I guess it's friendship, yes."

"Well, better than being alone in a crowd. I could tell you were going stir-crazy back with the others." Kit looked around the empty storefront. "You gonna set up here?"

"Maybe. There's an apartment upstairs that's large enough for me. It's far enough away from the city that it feels like it's in the open. It's close enough that…"

"That there'll be people coming through, in smaller, more manageable groups." Kit nodded. "I get it. I was getting a bit crowded too." She gestured back at the car. "I've been given an assignment. I'm to find other groups and establish regular contact." She shrugged. "I'm a postman now."

"Makes sense. When the prison doors all unlocked; I saw everyone go to the property storage; and get their phones."

"Hey, I wanted a camera!" Kit objected lightly. "But until the towers go back up; letters are what we've got."

~~/*\~~

Kit left on assignment. For a few days, Biggs set up his space. The open storefront on the ground floor was left alone, and he set up the apartment. It was bigger than his cell, with a private bathroom; and a view; if not a great one.

Paradise. He thought.

The dog still didn't have a name, but he stayed at Biggs' side the whole time. And he had to admit, it was easier to accept companionship and love from a dog than from other humans. He knew the survivors were all part of 'the family' but sleeping with his back to the wall was a long engrained survival habit, and he hadn't overcome it just yet. The dog was a far simpler companion to accept.

A day later, he had company again.

~~/*\~~

"Hi." Called the young man. "I hope you don't mind me stopping by. I saw your light in the window…"

Biggs nodded. "There's a solar panel on the roof. Not enough to run all the appliances by itself, but it's not like there's anything on TV."

"Right." His guest agreed. "My name is Sandeep." He looked around the store. "What's your line?"

"If you mean the storefront, I don't have a lot of product." Biggs offered. "I live upstairs. I doubt the owner is… around."

"You mind if I leave some stuff here?" Sandeep offered. "Everyone's heading back and forth, gathering some supplies… I headed for the library." He pulled his head in a bit. "Call me a bookworm." He gestured at a truck out the front. "But I was given an assignment on what to look for; on behalf of my congregation. I can't really leave the truck full up. The library was in a bad state, lots of fire and water damage. Couldn't leave them there…"

Biggs gestured. "Well, there's plenty of shelves. Help yourself."

Sandeep smiled. "Thanks!" He chirped. "Anyone who wants one can have one. To loan, to keep; or share around. A lot of those books are on construction, farming… We're all going to have a lot to learn."

~~/*\~~

Sandeep only stayed long enough to fill up the shelves. A quarter of the floorspace was now a free library.

Biggs picked a book at random. One about raising animals. A lot of the book was taken up with healthcare, avoiding parasites; preparing them for cold weather…

Is any of this valid anymore? Biggs asked silently, and he honestly wasn't sure if he was praying. God can make food fall from the sky. If humans live in perfect health, what about the animals? If we have no need for doctors, what about veterinarians?

The dog flopped down on his blanket beside the bed.

~~/*\~~

A day later, he heard the sounds of people downstairs, and went down to look. There were three people in the store. An adult woman, and two kids. The kids looked nervous. The woman was moving far too smoothly for someone with grey hair.

"Ack!" The woman jumped as he came downstairs. "Sorry! Didn't realize the place was occupied. It's the only place that wasn't boarded up."

"Seems to be a more popular spot than I gave it credit for." Biggs commented. "But you're welcome to use the space. Tell the truth, it's not like I have permission to be here either."

She held out a hand. "Sasha."

"Biggs." He returned the handshake, and looked to the kids.

"This is Kyle and Cara." Sasha made introductions. "They were hoping to go to their grandmother's house, just to make sure."

Biggs winced. He'd heard that a lot of the younger kids had survived, and needed someone to tell them what was going on.

"I'm giving them a ride into town, and we figured we could take a break, stretch our legs, maybe have a quick study; without the entire Great Crowd looking over their shoulders…" Sasha shrugged. "Would you mind?"

Biggs went over to the wall where the tables and chairs were stacked, setting up for them. "There's some food in the pantry. Not a lot, but there's some cookies. Whoever had the place last was a snacker."

The kids had come to attention at the word 'cookies' and Biggs went and got them; as the dog trotted over to make friends. Quietly, he spoke to Sasha. "What's the goal, here?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I was that age, a cop came by the school to collect me and my sister. He took us to our grandparents' place, and told us we were staying with them now. It was two days before they told us why we couldn't go back to our parents. Our grandparents wrote us off as damaged the first time Kit tried a cigarette, and I got into my first fight at school. Figured we were born rotten, just like our mama was."

Sasha winced.

"My grandparents were alive a week ago. So were my folks. I'm not looking for any of them." Biggs summed up. "You think you can take these kids to grandmas house and that's it?"

Sasha was silent a moment. "I lost two kids of my own That Day." She admitted. "I'm not sure if these kids need me, or if I need them; but there's no reason it can't be both. I'm in. All the way."

"Okay." Biggs nodded. "Good luck."

~~/*\~~

Two days later, the three of them were back, taking a break while heading back towards the rest of the congregation. The kids were more subdued this time. Whatever they'd found at their Grandparents house, it wasn't what they'd been hoping for. Kyle sat on the floor beside the wall, looking sad.

Biggs had scrounged some food from the surrounding area. Others had come through and traded some canned goods, a few vegetables that they couldn't take with them. Cara had two large bread rolls; and held them out to Biggs. "Gramma made bread." She said sadly. "There were two left. Sasha says we should give them to you. To say thanks for last time."

Biggs took one. "You should keep that one. In the meantime…" He took the loaf. "I'm making sandwiches. If I can."

Cara followed him around behind the counter and watched him do it. "Put the cheese between the tomato and the bread. Stops it going soggy."

Biggs obeyed. His first cooking lesson was from a five year old.

By the time lunch was prepared, the kids were scribbling on paper with crayons. Sasha took her plate. "Have you noticed the bread hasn't gone stale?"

"Water hasn't run out in the tank, either. I found a place where the food was starting to get stale and old, but… not here." Biggs agreed. "Think it'll last?"

"I'm sure it won't." She smirked. "But it'll last until we don't need it." She took a bite. "Not bad." She saw the kids. "Oh, Kyle; not there, sweetie!"

The boy was almost in hiding, over in the corner. He was also doodling on the walls with his crayon. Bright red and blue colors.

"Let him." Biggs said automatically. "I've spent too long in a place with bare concrete walls. He wants to make'em pretty, I'm not going to complain."

Even as he said it, he felt a little tugging on his sleeve. It was Cara, holding one of the books Sandeep had left on the shelves. She held the book up to him hopefully.

~~/*\~~

The book was apparently a favorite tale for the girl. One that her father had been reading to her, when the world had gone crazy.

Somehow, despite himself, Biggs found himself babysitting the young refugee. He read her a few chapters of the book while her brother drew on the walls. Then Kyle went outside to take the dog for a walk while Cara started drawing big shapes on the walls with her crayons. Biggs had found some house paint in the storeroom, and they started making some more permanent pictures on the walls.

And at all points in between, Sasha studied the Bible with them, telling the kids about the world they were in.

When the dog was worn out and the kids were napping; Sasha observed Biggs, stencilling the wall. "You're pretty good at that." She commented.

"My first offense, petty vandalism. Met up with a graffiti artist, who showed me a few tricks to keep their tags from splashing and dripping around." Biggs explained. "I was never any good at it, but to a five year old, I'm Michelangelo."

Even as he was speaking, another vehicle pulled up outside. It was a school bus. The driver stepped out and ignored the storefront completely, gesturing at the half completed overpass, reaching up above. Biggs couldn't hear him; but left Sasha and headed out to join the dozen or so newcomers. "Hello?"

"Hey there." The brother said. "Mind if we set up in the parking lot?"

"I'm not using it. None of these cars are mine." Biggs blinked, starting to feel surrounded again. "Um… Set up what?"

"Tribulation started with food shortages. Paradise started with a feast. Sooner or later, we've got to start planting something for God to make grow." Belatedly, he held out a hand. "Rossi."

"Biggs." He returned the handshake. "You want to set up a farm on a parking lot?"

"More of a container garden. There's no telling where we'll settle; but in the meantime, here's a large, flat piece of ground that won't sprout weeds, assuming they're still a factor. Overhead is a large concrete catchment area that nobody's going to use, and it's on an incline that can funnel caught rain down directly to this patch. Sooner or later, they'll figure out where to set up a farm; and when they do, we'll be able to move everything we've planted." Rossi gestured at the other buildings, boarded up. "We can settle our workers here. It's a great location, between our freehold and the city."

"Yeah, seems to be a pretty popular spot." Biggs couldn't help but agree.

***

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