Atxi and James didn’t have a set home. James still took odd jobs, though for the most part, it was an excuse to keep sailing. Atxi went with him most of the time; sometimes she would stay on land to see what the world was like. When they were together, they clung to each other tightly. Neither of them said it, but it was clear they were reaching the twilight of their lives; and they loved each other fiercely enough to be okay with that.
Atxi had adapted completely to shipboard life. Seasickness was never a factor anymore; and she was the most content she’d ever felt.
Today, however, was different. She woke up to the distant sound of his voice; and padded up to the Bridge, following the sound of his conversation with someone.
James saw her and held out a Device. “It’s for you.”
“For me?” Surprised, she took the call.
“Axti, this is Karen.” A familiar voice said. “Apologies, but James was the only point of contact I had for you. To be honest, calling James was kind of a desperation move. I wasn’t sure either of you were still… Well.”
“Alive?” Atxi supplied the magic word. “This isn’t about either of us, then?”
“It’s about Irsu.” Karen reported. “We can’t find him.”
Atxi blinked. “What does that mean?”
“It took us a while to figure it out, because he wouldn’t talk about it, but it looks like he was inspired by your attempt at confrontation with Brother Huitzilin. He told me once that you felt inspired by him because your stories were so similar; and I don’t know if he ever told you, but apparently that feeling was mutual.”
Atxi blanched. “Irsu looked up his old King.”
“Looks like he’s back, but Irsu couldn’t find him.”
“No, he wouldn’t.” Atxi said darkly. “But I already have. Ramensti lives with the Undecided now.”
~oo00oo~
James turned the Nicholas towards Southern California, and sailed at top speed. “Why are we in such a rush?”
“If Irsu has found his old King at the Island, then he’ll be looking for a ride to the place.” Atxi explained. “Karen’s worried about her friend; so I want to get there first.”
“You plan to intercept him.”
“I do.”
“And do what?” James countered. “It’s been some years since I’ve taken prisoners. And even if the Authority doesn’t stop us from doing it, I think Irsu can take me. Have you seen that guy?”
Atxi bit her lip. “I don’t plan on stopping him. Well, I mean, I’d like to, but there’s no chance that I’ll be able to, if his mind is made up.”
“So what are we doing?”
“Finding out if his mind is made up.”
~oo00oo~
Irsu was at The Expo, looking for a ride out to the Island. There were constant people coming in and out of the World’s Fair. Their Dockyards were extensive; but working on a schedule. He knew he was going to have to charter someone, but thus far there was nobody willing to take him where he needed to go.
“Most people don’t go out to the Undecided Communities.” A familiar voice said.
Irsu spun, and found Atxi had crept up on him.
“If you really need to go, I have an ‘in’ with a privately owned yacht now.” She told him, smiling tightly.
~oo00oo~
They boarded the Nicholas. Atxi installed Irsu in a guest cabin. “James, you remember Irsu.”
“I do.” The Captain shook hands with the huge man. “It would be hard to forget. I’ve set a course.”
“Thank you. Why do you have passenger cabins anyway?” Irsu asked him.
James shrugged. “I run supplies to the Undecided Communities. Every year at least a few of your people want to go out there to try and bring righteous wisdom to the heathens. Now and then, they bring someone back.” He looked over. “You think that’s going to happen this time?”
“I do not.” Irsu admitted.
~oo00oo~
The voyage wasn’t a long one. But long enough for Irsu to spend some time on deck. Atxi joined him. James could see them from his bridge, and had the good sense not to get in the way.
Atxi said nothing; letting Irsu decide if he wanted to talk about it or not.
Finally, not looking at her, Irsu spoke. “The Priests told us that the Dead were powerful. They told us that the way the Dead were treated in this world mattered in the next one. When my King died, we were all walled up to go with him. Even his cat was mummified, to keep him company.” He said with tight menace. “I spoke to someone a month ago, who told me that almost every single Tomb and Burial Chamber in Egypt had been raided and pillaged before the western archaeologists got to them in the modern times. It was why the find of some artifact or death mask was such a huge event.” He scowled at Atxi. “It was my people who did that. My people, who were supposed to have such awe for the powers of the dead. And if it wasn’t my people, then it was the dozen or more invaders that took apart the Pyramids, the Temples…” He shook his head.
“Hey.” Atxi cupped his face with one hand. Smooth skin against wrinkles. “I know what you’re going through. When my people were rediscovered, nobody even remembered what gods the temples were built for; but there they were, dusty and covered with vines. They’re history. You and I, we remember the power of them. The awe, and the fervor, and I still haven’t...” She couldn’t keep going. “Why did you come here, Irsu?”
“I don’t know.” He said, not looking at her.
“Yes, you do. If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.”
He still couldn’t look at her. “I heard he was back. I heard he was here.”
Atxi nodded sadly.
“I don’t want…” He shook his head hard. “I had to see him again. I had to face him. I… He was my god for my entire life, Axti. There were statues and Priests and chants and music and stories about all the Gods of Egypt, but the King was someone I could see, hear speak, someone I could touch.”
“Someone who could touch you. Tell you he was pleased. Tell you that you had been good, done well, shown loyalty.” Atxi said, almost in a trance of her own.
“I have to see him again.” He said seriously. “Because if he’s-” He struggled for the words. “If he’s here, and… I don’t even know how to say it.”
“You want to see if he’s still a god.” Atxi said quietly. “Your life is split between the days he was a god, and the days where he wasn’t there at all, and you knew he was just a man. You have to know if your New Eyes will still see him like they used to.”
“He’s just a man.” Irsu hissed. “I know he’s just a man. I’ve been a Christian for almost twice as many years as I worshiped him, and never once did I look back. If he’s here now, it’s because Jehovah gave him his chance. I know him. He won’t take it. But…”
“I know, Irsu.” Atxi said forgivingly. “There’s still that little bit of superstition in everyone. People who were born and grew up in this world are afraid of nothing. Everyone who lived Before, no matter when in history, are still nervous about something, even if it’s something as simple and childish as the dark.”
“I know it’s foolish. I know it’s crazy. Maybe even a little dangerous. And all for an answer I already have, really. But I just have to know what’s happening with him, now. If he’s got questions. If he’s… Like Huitzilin. Even if he’s just an ordinary man.”
Axti nodded, and threaded her fingers through his. “I’m going with you.” She said quietly. “We both gave our hearts; literally, our hearts; to false gods. If seeing him again is what it takes for you to get yours back completely; then I’m going with you.”
~oo00oo~
Irsu returned to his cabin. James came up on deck, and found Atxi at the railing, looking out at the ocean by night. “The ocean’s so calm these days, I sometimes feel like I can see the stars twice. Like we’re sailing in the sky.”
“I went on an Airship once.” Atxi offered. “I’m told people have walked on other worlds in the sky. Centuries ago. Leaving the planet is ancient history in this world.”
James shivered. “Does that seem as insane to you as it does to me?”
“Yup.” She finally got to the point. “What do you think? About Irsu?”
James shook his head. “I think this is a terrible plan.” He admitted. “I’ve seen what happens when people come home after a long time. I’ve seen what happens when people come face to face with their demons. And even if there are no demons anymore, the human race has always been the very next best thing.”
Atxi shivered in a way that had nothing to do with the sea breeze, and stood closer to him, wrapping herself tightly in his arms. “I hate the thought that this might stumble him.” She admitted. “I lost my faith long ago. But I liked that Irsu was certain of his. My story and his aren’t that different, and I liked… I don’t know. Even if I never joined the brotherhood, I liked knowing they were there, and that they’d last forever.”
James said nothing to that, and she was grateful. They both knew she was being hypocritical; but they also knew it wasn’t likely to change.
But then, for the first time since they’d met; certainly for the first time since they’d declared their love for each other; James decided to push back on this most forbidden topic. “I went and saw Lancewood, some time ago. He was at the end of the road; and he declared victory because his family had become believers. I finally understand why that thought made me want to cry.”
Atxi leaned back against him, rolled her head back to look up at him. “Tell me.”
“Because I like the idea of you living forever so much I feel like my chest could explode at the thought.” James said, matter-of-fact. “I only ever knew you after your faith was broken. But I get the sense that you’re at your best when you’re…” He trailed off, unsure how to say it. “You said you were running out of reasons to say no.”
“What about you?” She returned instantly. “I like the idea of you living forever too, love.”
Long silence.
“Actually, I always thought you and Irsu would wind up together.” James admitted.
“What?” Atxi laughed.
“You two have far more in common than we do.” James nodded quietly. “He’s ageless. I’m not.”
“Neither am I.”
“Atxi, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’re a believer already. It’s why you wouldn’t marry me. Because you knew that one day you’d ‘run out of reasons to say no’.”
Atxi pulled away enough to look at him, stricken. “James…”
“S’okay, I’m not angry.” He said quietly. “Hate to say it, but Lancewood knew the score. If God won’t hold us accountable for what we did; and even our victims don’t care; then my last act of being an honest villain is to live with the consequences. A Pirate got the noose; and I knew that, back when I became one. Dying, after a long life, and with full dignity? That’s far more humane than anything I ever expected.” He squeezed her hand. “I don’t know what you’re waiting for; but I know you’ll be at your best when you get your faith back.”
Atxi was silent a long moment. “When we first got here, my faith is what stopped me. But when faced with the truth, it gave way to such… awful bitterness. That guy we met, Walter? He came to this world full of pride, but I could see it. There was rage simmering under all that ego. Anger enough that he’d choke to death on it. For you, I thought it was greed. You still wanted what you always wanted. But now-”
“Now that I am faced with the truth about how I used to live… That has transformed too.” James agreed. “It’s guilt. I won’t deny it. I have victims, Atxi. I made an effort only to take from the people who could afford to lose; but I knew that none of those privileged people would miss a meal. They had victims of their own to feel the pinch. And my sword took its due. With all of them back, and the system suddenly fair to people…” James looked down. “All that moral outrage I felt at the unfairness of life. And I wake up to find that it’s just… stopped. God just stopped it. Like that.” He rolled his eyes to Atxi. “At your most fervent, your faith in false gods never took lives; except your own.”
“Don’t be so sure. Those obsidian daggers took thousands; and I was part of the show.” Atxi said seriously. “I love you. And I don’t believe you’re a bad person. A killer? Perhaps. A reformed criminal, certainly. But a ‘villain’? I wouldn’t love you half as much as I do.”
“Of course you would have.” He returned blandly. “I’m charming and handsome; and love makes you stupid.”
Atxi snorted and kissed him lightly. But as they both turned back towards the ocean, Atxi thought of Irsu, walking a knife-edge of his own, and shivered hard. If both Irsu and James were pushing her in the same direction...
~oo00oo~
As they sailed and the sun set for the night, Atxi did something she hadn’t done before; even after decades. She appealed to Jehovah in prayer.
“I don’t know if you will hear me. It is hypocrisy to ask you for something; given how I have acted in your house.” She said to the stars. “Back Before, the Priests let us Pray to all the gods we needed. They said if one wasn’t answering, then what we were asking for was the responsibility of another god. I asked him why they couldn’t just pass the message onto each other for us. It did not go well.” She rubbed her eyes a little. “Irsu was so certain, before he found out about his King. I want you to know that I do not believe his faith has wavered at all. But he has to confront his own demons, and the only way to do that is to to face his old gods. Something I will never get a chance to do. I don’t know if you will hear me, but please don’t let Irsu face this without you-”
“You know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but the signs of the times you cannot interpret. A wicked and adulterous generation keeps on seeking for a sign, but no sign will be given it except the sign of Jonah.”
Atxi jumped, as a voice suddenly interrupted. The Boy was perched on the railing, swinging his legs a little. He looked about twelve, with a Bible across his knees; and had seemingly appeared from nowhere. ‘Who are you?” She asked, stunned to see a stranger. “I didn’t know James had other passengers. You’re looking for passage to somewhere?”
“No, I’m just here.” The Boy didn’t seem concerned. “Apologies for listening in.”
“It’s okay. I’m not entirely sure that…” Atxi gestured upwards. “Back where I come from, it was permissible to pray to any and all gods who may be listening, but I know that Jehovah doesn’t think so, and…” She trailed off, suddenly wondering why she was pouring her heart out to a stranger’s little kid.
“Once, long ago, when it was His Purpose, Jehovah’s Temple was where Heaven and Earth overlapped.” He told her. “That’s why Jerusalem never fell, as long as the Temple was there. But when Christ died, something better was put into place, and the Temple was just a building.” The Boy looked so sympathetic, almost heartbroken. “They thought the same thing you once did. That the building was what mattered. The trappings. The dressings. The image of holiness.”
Atxi nodded. “And what was a holy place, became another idol to the people who were warring over a building.”
“When The Day came, no small number of honest-hearted believers were in prison. Their Interior Rooms were cages. But anywhere that two or more of His people stood, there He was in their midst.” The Boy said. “The world is full of His people now. Every inch of it. That’s the whole point, Atxi. If Holy Places and People are exempt of evil and pain, then we have to make all places and people Holy.”
Atxi bit her lip. “I admit, I haven’t done my part.”
“You fought so hard to embrace your false gods. And you fought so hard not to be fooled again.” He reached out and held her hands tightly in his own. “Atxi, you guarded your soul so jealously that you never saw it.”
“Saw what?”
“That nobody was trying to take it from you.” The Boy said simply.
Atxi looked out over the water. “Can I be honest with you?”
“I hope so.”
“I don’t know why I’m having so much trouble getting there.” Atxi admitted. “How can a person deny what’s right in front of them? I wanted so much to see the gods when I lay on that altar. I’ve seen Angels now, and I still haven’t… Why does having the proof not prove it to people?”
“The Eternal Question. Even in Heaven. Remember, Satan chose to defy God, while being in His presence. He took a third of Angels with him, and they were actually in heaven for so long… But you’re closer than even you think, if you’re praying for someone else’s faith to be strong in a difficult time. Even some Spirit Creatures didn’t do that.” The Boy admitted. “When Jesus was Raised from the dead, Thomas was the last of the Apostles to see him again. ‘So the other disciples were telling him: ‘We have seen the Lord!’ But he said to them: ‘Unless I see in his hands the print of the nails and stick my finger into the print of the nails and stick my hand into his side, I will never believe it’.”
Atxi nodded, listening.
“That man was one of Jesus Apostles. He had seen everything Jesus could do. Even talked about his Resurrection. So why did he need to see one more miracle before he had faith in something he already believed in?”
Atxi thought for a moment. “Because he wanted to be made sure again. After.”
“After.” The Boy agreed. “Thomas’ heart was in the right place. He’d followed the Son of Man for three years, and his heart was broken to watch that most wonderful man being tortured to death, of all things, for a charge of Blasphemy.” The Boy smiled a bit. “It’s not an easy thing to fill up a heart when it’s full of holes.”
Atxi put a hand over her heart unconsciously. “Or taken away.”
“God doesn’t hold back what people need. Some need to see loved ones returned to them, some need to see their wrinkles fade into youth.”
“What do I need to see?” Atxi asked, voice small.
“Not see. You need to Know. To know what you longed for so much that you begged to be chosen for that Stone Table.” The Boy said, and Atxi felt her heart give a solid thump as he turned to face her fully, giving her his complete attention. “You need to know that you are His Creation. In all the universe there has never been, and will never be, another quite like you. You are wanted, and beloved of God, and the fact that everyone else has that offer doesn’t make it any less miraculous. This is a world made of nothing but Miracles.”
And then, Atxi heard her own voice, younger, a little bit scared. But she heard it, clear as a bell, as though she was speaking in her own ear. “Any Gods who may be listening, I pray that you are good, and that you know how much I want to be good too. I hope that what I have to offer is good in your eyes, and that you can forgive me for all the wrong things I’ve done. Thank you for all the good things I’ve seen and felt; and I hope one day to understand the bad. Because if you can hear me, I know that only good things would come from whoever’s listening. Because a cruel or bad God wouldn’t hear me.”
The Boy smiled. “Did you think He had forgotten something like that?”
Atxi felt herself tearing up a little. “Oh… You’re…”
“Yes.” The Boy nodded. “Atxi, you’ve given your heart away, quite literally, to lies. Here now, is truth. There is, and has only ever been, One God, and He is Good. This world was always His Plan, but important questions raised by lies forced a small delay. He would never let anything happen to the world, or to you, that He cannot put right. He wants you to be one of His people. He wants you to be happier with every passing day, more loved than you have ever been, more content than you have ever felt. And He wants that to last forever and ever. Without violence, without judgement, without sacrifices or bloodletting of any kind. Just honest effort.”
“He wants that for everybody.” Atxi whispered weakly.
“Aren’t you part of ‘everybody’?” The Boy asked with a smile. “He loves you very much, and He is here, being part of this conversation, right now; watching with hopeful anticipation, because He can see just how close you are.”
Atxi sniffed, unable to look at him.
“Everyone you knew once lied to you, a lot of them quite sincerely, and you believed them.” The Boy said, so gentle that Atxi felt warmed by his voice alone. “So now you’re far less trusting. That’s perfectly understandable. But Jehovah God not only took the lies away, he undid all the damage those lies did to the world; starting with the very first lie ever told.”
Axti wiped her eyes, looked up, and let out a gasp so loud the entire ship probably heard her. The Boy hadn’t moved… but he suddenly had wings. Huge, white, flawless angel wings.
The Boy smiled. “Jesus said to Thomas: ‘Put your finger here, and see my hands, and take your hand and stick it into my side, and Stop doubting, but believe’.”
“Oh, God…” Her voice could barely get past the lump in her throat, or the tears in her eyes, but it was the most heartfelt prayer she’d ever spoken. Atxi wept, reaching out and touching the wings as they extended towards her. “Oh, God…”
The wings brushed her face sweetly, and the Boy was suddenly gone.
Atxi rocked, arms wrapped tightly around herself. She rocked back and forth with the gentle motion of the ship; for what felt like an eternity. Finally, she noticed she wasn’t alone. Irsu was there, standing a respectful distance away. She went over to him. “Why now?” She asked him. “If that was all it took, why wait so many years to send me an Angel?”
Irsu shrugged. “Because now is the right time.”
“That’s the sort of answer my old Priest would have given.”
“Heh.” Irsu chuckled. “Atxi, Moses left Egypt in disgrace, and spent forty years tending sheep before he was ready for the assignment he wanted. Joseph spent over a decade in prison for a crime he didn’t commit; Noah waited over a century for the rain to fall. God has his own view on time. And now, at long last, we’re starting to get that same view. You’ve been in Paradise for more than fifty years. You’ve seen miraculous things every day. Seeing was believing, but not accepting. The decades you’ve spent getting into a mental place where you could accept what you just saw? Are nothing compared to the eternity you could spend on the right side of this question.”
“Irsu…” Atxi said softly. “I came with you on this trip, because I know what it feels like, to need to see something with your own eyes.”
Irsu nodded. “I do appreciate it, Atxi.”
“I know why it took until now.” She said softly. “It’s because of you. He heard me, when I was a child. He sent you the Blue Letter. It’s because your story means so much to me, given how I got here. And then, when you have a dark day; a weak day…” She smiled. “Well, the truth is I ran out of reasons to say no a long time ago. Because there is one thing that always encourages people like… people like us. And that’s when someone you care about has been through it themselves.”
Irsu looked at her swiftly. “People like ‘us’?”
And Atxi closed her eyes. “Jehovah God…” She said aloud, before rolling her eyes up to the stars. “Jehovah, My God.”
Irsu smiled suddenly, tearing up instantly. She reached out and clasped his hand automatically, glad he was there for this. “I know you are here with me, and that you love me.” Atxi said softly. “I was once told that I had to give to the gods. Give my blood, my life. My everything. It was a price that I paid eagerly. And then I got here, and wondered what was the point of paying that price at all. And what could I offer to You, if my life wasn’t it? But I see it now. What I have to give you, is exactly what you keep giving me without end. Life, and love, and thanks. And if you’ll have me, I promise I always will.” Atxi looked to Irsu, smiled warmly, and suddenly remembered. “Oh… Amen.”
She wiped her eyes, and saw James at the doorway, watching the whole thing. His face was unreadable, as he turned away from them, and went back to his cabin.
~oo00oo~
They arrived at the Island, and Atxi led the way with long experience.
“Are we likely to face… opposition?” Irsu asked her. “I’d prefer to be quiet like a mouse.”
“You’re with me; you’ll fit in fine.” She told Irsu. “It’s not uncommon for people to leave the Island. But it’s a lot more likely that they’ll come back. There gets to be a point where you just have nowhere else to go.”
“I didn’t plan to bring you back here.” Irsu reminded her.
“I know.” She sighed. “Stay away from the Soldiers. You’re a big guy. Like seeks like on this island. You’d fit right in with them, built like you are.”
“Soldiers.” Irsu observed.
“It’s a lifestyle.” Atxi excused them. “They’re mostly good guys, but they’re more devoted to ‘their kind’ than anyone else in this world, including the Christians. Remember, you don’t want to get dragged into the games here. There are factions on this island. I know you don’t plan to stay, but if you choose a side, on anything, they’ll all know it.”
Irsu nodded, and a horn sounded. “What’s that?”
“Our cue.” Atxi said grimly. “It’s the Parley. Ramensti is sure to be there. Because he always is. Every. Single. Time.”
~oo00oo~
There wasn’t a huge crowd on the Island, but almost all of them were threading their way to the middle of the Island. Irsu almost laughed when he saw it. It was a natural amphitheater, not unlike the open speaking places that the Witnesses used during their outdoor sessions.
Hans was centre stage, hosting the event. “I’ve always told you guys that as long as we keep something alive, it’s never gone.” He said grandly to those assembled. “Even if the world we loved is long gone, we are here.”
Atxi had heard this speech with every Parley, and took the opportunity to glance around. She had been away for a while. Some faces she knew had ‘Aged Out’ while she was away. And comparing to others around her. She knew she was close to doing the same.
Irsu leaned in. “What are we looking at?”
“Everyone on this Island is here because they don’t want to live like this world does.” Atxi explained. “Hans is of the opinion that as long as you keep an unpopular thought spoken aloud, it will endure.”
“Well, he’s not entirely wrong.” Irsu admitted.
“Hang on just a minute longer.” Atxi told him. “The man you’re after can’t resist an audience.”
“You knew he was here.” Irsu observed. “You knew, and you didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t know it was the same man. Your nation lasted almost a thousand years longer than the Christian Era. That’s a long line of God-Kings; and you never did tell me his name.”
“If you had known for sure, would you have told me?”
Atxi hesitated. “I don’t know.” She looked over for Hans, wondering if he’d noticed her. She found him quickly enough. Hans was talking to someone new. A new face. He was older, like she looked, with grey hair and wrinkles growing on his face. Which means he’s probably one of the younger people in the world now. She observed distantly.
Ramensti had taken centre stage for the Parley. Irsu was at the back of the crowd, staring at him, somewhat transfixed. Atxi gave him a bleak look. Irsu looked like a believer. Atxi had no doubt it was the same expression he’d worn back in his early life, before Paradise. The centuries in between had vanished at the sight of his old King.
Ramensti spoke. He had a voice that was full of power and grandeur. It was not unlike the way Huitzilin spoke; spellbinding and persuasive. “I Am Egypt.” He intoned. “The Gods have granted me a vision of the whole Earth, and burdened me with Purpose to raise Egypt to its rightful place as Master of the world. Though my Leadership is in Exile; I know that this path leads only to my Glory. I know this, because of all the Great Pharaohs to Come and Go over the passage of eternity, I am the only one who still holds the Esteem of Egypt in my hand. The Sun God Ra has returned me to this land of Mortals; because His purpose requires it. ” His chin was up imperiously, his gaze fierce and unyielding. “Some have suggested that The God of Slaves could hope to match Me in combat. Some have even suggested that the Ancient and Unknowable Gods were but specks in the sky! I am Pharoah, and if I decree that day is night, it will be written as Law. What could those stones and ‘planets’ hope to say back at me? Do they have my mind? Do they have my heart? Does a ‘planet’ have my will?”
The spellbound look on Irsu’s face had gone slack, and he drifted back to Atxi. “He’s a joke.” Irsu said, as though just realizing it.
“He’s a complete joke.” Another voice said in full agreement.
Atxi glanced over at who had spoken. It was the newcomer she had noticed. He had made his way away from the parley without anyone noticing him leave.
“There’s nothing here.” The greying man said, mostly to himself.
Atxi answered him anyway. “No, there isn’t.” She drifted back a bit to stand next to him. “I’m Atxi.”
“Nick. Nick Alman.” The man introduced himself. “You’re new here, aren’t you? On the Island, I mean.”
“I was here for many years. I left for a while, just came back this evening. How can you tell?” Atxi asked, impressed. She looked older than he did.
“Your shoes.” Nick said. “One thing they don’t seem to have on this island is a cobbler that can make a shoe anything like what they have out in the world.”
Atxi noted he had similar footwear. “You must be new here yourself.”
Nick nodded. “I was over at the World’s Fair Expo just yesterday.”
Axti gestured at him, with his greying hair, and weathered face. “You looking to move here?”
He gestured at her own signs of age. “Are you?”
“No.” She said seriously. “I made my dedication just a few days ago, while I was on the boat coming here. We’re here for Irsu.”
“Really?” Nick looked at Irsu. “He looks far too young to be as young as we are.”
“He’s not. He’s here to answer his own unresolved questions.”
Nick bit his lip. “And you can still have personal demons, if you join up?”
“I suppose you must.” Axti guessed. “I’m rather new to being a Christian; but I figure all those warnings and reminders in the Bible went to the early congregations; so they must have been needed. When have righteous people not had demons to fight?” She smiled a bit. “Or at least, the memory of demons; which is a much harder battle than I thought it would be.”
Nick was silent for a long moment, watching Irsu, who was watching the speech. “I was… I don’t know, I guess I wanted to make sure.” Nick said at last.
“Make sure of what?”
“Exactly.” Nick laughed at his own foolishness. “I’ve been trying to put it into words for almost forty years; and nothing I can come up with sounds quite right.”
Atxi nodded, as though that made perfect sense. “This world runs on its spirit. This world runs on its soul, and on the soul of humanity in general. Such things we have never found proper words for.”
“Soul of Humanity. That was it. I was afraid that all this might have taken something from the Soul of Humanity. I was worried that Peace and Tranquility might also mean atrophy.” He gestured around. “I came here to see if being less content also made you more… fierce. Not in a bad way, just with more energy, more drive.”
Atxi looked back at Irsu a moment. “Does it?”
“A week ago, I might have said yes. But I’ve spent the last few days at the Expo. I finally figured it out. Necessity was never the mother of invention. Curiosity is. Necessity just changed the priorities.”
Atxi smiled. “I was an Aztec. The more I learn about all the history that came before and after my time? The more I think that the policy of the human race was to fix things one at a time. Put out fires by making even larger fires that would burn the next day.”
“I’m starting to see that myself.” Nick nodded. “Now that I’m here… I’m only seeing half of what I expected. Three different ‘factions’ on this Island have offered to let me join them. There’s more passion here, but there’s anarchy too. Sort of a collective Anarchy. Even for people like me, the Angels prevent anyone hurting each other. The rule here is Do As You Please.”
“How is that different from out there?” Atxi asked. “I haven’t found anyone doing something they hated.”
“With basic needs met, I guess nobody has to.” Nick agreed. “But it just… It works better out there. People work together better, y’know?”
“I know.” Axti nodded.
Ramensti was still going. “Millions of people once bowed to me, recognizing me as The Morning and Evening Star! But this world has lost its way, seduced by the promises of… some other god. Rest Assured that when Ra reveals his design to me; and I accept my reward as rightful Ruler once again; you will all be rewarded, for you did not accept the smooth words of this God of Slaves!”
Irsu came back to join them, looking disgusted. “Let’s go.”
“You don’t want to talk to him?” James asked, gesturing at the old King, still making his grand speech.”
“What is there to say?” Irsu scorned. “He’s a fool. And I was a fool for ever believing in him.”
“You weren’t foolish, Irsu. But for a time, you were misinformed.” Atxi said.
“We all were.” Nick added. “And so’s he. Either he’s a great actor, or he’s actually certain of what he’s shouting at us right now; even when anyone with five minutes work can prove him wrong.”
“Five minutes is more than most people would need, looking back four thousand years at him in a history book.” Irsu nodded. “You have any idea what it’s like to know that your gods and Kings were just names that nobody remembered? We built Pyramids that stood longer than empires and nations ever could, all in honor of men that history forgot.”
“I’m going back to the Mainland, and telling my brother I’m a Christian now.” Nick agreed. “I’ve got a boat back to the mainland, if you need a ride.”
He said it so easily, so casually, that Irsu almost didn’t register it at first. “Just like that?”
“To be honest, the decision was clear a while ago, I just needed to test it.”
“Test it against what?” Irsu asked.
“My brother showed me this verse once from the First Volume. About how the Demons believed.”
Irsu already had his device out. “James 2:19. ‘You believe that there is one God, do you? You are doing quite well. And yet the demons believe and shudder’.”
Nick nodded. “That was it. For me, becoming a Christian is less about what you believe, and more about how you live. I wondered if living under God’s Rule could really give people everything they needed.”
“You mean, other than eternal life?”
“I was killed in the Second World War, Miss. There are worse things than dying.” Nick returned. “I’ve seen day-to-day life under the wrong kind of rule. There’s no initiative, no mercy, no compassion, and the only kind of energy was fear. This world has mercy and compassion, but I needed to know if the initiative and energy was still there.” He gestured around. “My Brother brought me to the Expo, and a day later I saw this. The energy of both places is just so different.”
“And this is worse?” Irsu guessed.
“Not about better or worse. It’s about what it’s built on.” Nick pointed back at the centre of the stage, where the Pharaoh was finally stepping down. “You know why people are clapping? Nobody believes in him. He’s screaming at the void about how he had it better back there. So why are they clapping for him?”
Silence.
“Because they have something to say too.” Atxi guessed finally.
“And not one of them are any more willing than that Pharaoh to admit they were just wrong.” Nick nodded, and the look on his face said it was a revelation ripping apart his whole world view. “What’s missing from the Paradise World is the lie. And I had no idea how much it was a part of me. So much so that when I didn’t have the lies anymore, I was scared that we’d lost something fundamentally required by human beings.”
Atxi had been listening to them quietly for a few minutes, and finally spoke. “I wonder if it’s that we need the lie, or need the excuse.”
“What do you mean?”
“If there is no God, obeying Him doesn’t matter. If He’s real, then nothing could be more important.”
~oo00oo~
Walter hadn’t even tried to get another business going after his argument with Townsend and David. He hadn’t attended a meeting, or really spoken at length with anyone else. His attempts at studies were full of barely concealed rage and frustration at what he’d lost.
David had tried again, and again; and Walter had sent him away each time. Mickey stopped by a few times. She brought him baskets of food from the market. Walter rarely left the house anymore, his age making him an object of pity by the general population.
But then, one day, as Walter felt the weakness filling his bones once more, he had a visitor.
“Well.” Townsend said grimly as he sat beside Walter. “Here we are again.”
Walter nodded. The irony was not lost on him. His only visitor as his time ran out. The last time, he’d been able to offer Townsend a five star meal. At this point, the only thing left in the house was a basket of apples. The last time, there had been a Penthouse level view, even from a hospital. This time, they were on the ground floor, with the curtains pulled closed, because Walter couldn’t stand to be seen.
“Your father made his choice yesterday.” Townsend said quietly. “He’s on his way here, hoping to reconcile with you.” He held out a letter. “He sent this ahead, since messages travel faster. He asked me to deliver it.”
“He’s going to live forever.” Walter snarled. “After everything…” He took the letter and scrunched it up, unopened.
Townsend sighed.
“I know you think it’s spite, or ego.” Walter coughed. “Some personal failing that you can wag your finger at, and tell me off for. But it’s not. I’m not wrong. Seriously, what was my sin? What did I do that you haven’t done a hundred times yourself?”
“I’m not here to pass judgement, Walter.” Townsend said softly.
“Of course not, because there’s nothing to judge. You can’t think of anything I did that you haven’t done. So what? I was a few bucks shy in the contribution boxes? Didn’t pray to an empty room often enough? Can’t remember enough verses?”
“It doesn’t work that way, and you know it.” Townsend said. “In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never treated people like people. You called them ‘consumers’ or ‘clients’, ‘customers’ and ‘employees’ if you were feeling generous. ‘The unwashed masses’ or ‘clock punchers’ when you had your blood up. Your sin was that you didn’t show them love.”
“Why do they need my love?”
“They didn’t need your love, Walter. You did. Loving God and Loving Others are so tightly entwined that they are the same thing; especially in a world where God runs the world by loving even his enemies into eternal youth. You only ever looked for ways that others could benefit you and what you wanted. Even Jehovah God was your ‘Retirement Plan’. Low Priority. I don’t know how to convince you that other people have value. Your sin was that you thought God and His Kingdom needed you, more than you needed Him.”
“You have any idea what I could offer this world if it would just…” Walter trailed off.
“If it would just think like the last one.” Townsend nodded, having just had his point made for him. “If only this world would treat you the way the Old System did, then you’d be happy to live here with us.”
Walter turned his head away from Townsend. “Please go. I don’t really want people around for this.”
Townsend rose, squeezed his hand, and left him then. The labrador, older and slower now, rested his head on Walter’s knee; offering what affection he could.
“Do I count as ‘people’?” A voice asked after a moment.
Walter turned his head the other way. “Oh.”
The Boy was back, this time without his guitar. But he had a Bible with him. “Skin in behalf of skin, and everything that a man has he will give in behalf of his soul.”
“Job.” Walter recognized the quotation. “A man who refused to break, no matter what evil threw at him.”
“Is Jehovah God evil in your eyes?” The Boy asked, sounding genuinely curious. “Because even now, he wants you to come to him. Be his friend, and live forever.”
“Beg for my life.” Walter countered.
“Walter, Jehovah God isn’t wrong. He can’t be wrong. He genuinely does know what’s right for you, and for everyone. That’s the whole point. This isn’t like a rigid, fallible ruler, demanding one inflexible standard for a huge variety of differing souls. If you needed some special treatment, you would have gotten some. You act like your life is being held hostage, but it’s not. You were offered Eternal Life in Utopia... and still felt like you needed to demand a better offer.”
“I’m not wrong.” Walter insisted, falling back deeper into the chair. “I’m not! I didn’t… didn’t do anything… anything wrong. I’m not cruel of unfair to anyone…”
He was gone. Walter was alone again.
~oo00oo~
Nick had accepted the ride back to the mainland. His brother was expecting him at the Expo. Nick had made his dedication on the boat, and Atxi and Irsu celebrated, spending the night eating and drinking and giving prayers of thanks. The only one on the ship who wasn’t a Christian, James retreated from the party, feeling more alone than he had in some time.
The Captain’s Cabin was dark, shades pulled and lights off. James was in his chair by his desk, bent over by age. His white hair nearly glowed against the darkness of the room. Atxi came no further than the door. “James.” She said quietly.
He straightened a little, but didn’t turn to face her. “Well, go on. Say it.” James said darkly. “Tell me I’ve made the wrong choice, and that-”
“James.” She cut him off with a sigh. “My love.”
He stiffened. It was the first time she had expressed her feelings for him since becoming a Christian. Part of him had expected that to change.
“I don’t want to make you feel bad. I don’t get to judge. Heaven knows I’ve taken a long time to get here myself. I don’t even know if good and bad enter into it by this point. All I know is that I found what I was looking for. Took me decades to admit it, but I found what I needed.” She took one step closer, paused when she saw him turn his wrinkled face further away, not wanting to meet her eyes. “I would like to be with you for a lot longer than we’ve had. Eternity might just be long enough for that. But if you don’t see anything in this world that outweighs what you see in yourself; then who am I to tell you off about it? I love you. And I promise I won’t think less of you when you’re gone.”
He gripped the arm of his chair tightly. “Atxi.” He said finally. “I want you to take the launch back to Dock. Leave the ship at sea.”
“I had planned to-”
“No. Go with Irsu. Be happy. Be safe. Live forever, young and strong.” James spoke his last request. “And spare me a thought now and then. Once every thousand years or so?” He chuckled at his own comment, and broke down coughing. “But I don’t want you to be here to watch this.”
“Funny. I bet Lancewood said the same words to his wife.”
James closed his eyes miserably.
Atxi nodded. “I think you’re wrong. But I said I wouldn’t judge, and I think this counts.”
“Thank you.”
“I love you, James. So, so much.” She said softly, and shut the door, letting that be the last word between them.
“Love you, too.” He said, without turning towards the door.
~oo00oo~
Sailing on the ocean. Usually, it felt like a holy thing to him. He’d heard some of the scholars talking about God, as something eternal, and infinite. They’d talked about the compassion of Him, giving such tiny little specks his attention, when he was vast enough to be beyond comprehension.
James already had that feeling, every time he sailed out of sight of land. The ocean had that same sense of eternity, and he was a speck, touching it and gaining life and motion. The ocean was untouchable by anything he could do, but it gave him everything he had.
The ocean was like a prayer to him, but today it did nothing.
He could feel it. He was too old to sail. This world was kinder in old age than the one he understood, but he was far older now than he had been in the Old Days.
I’m dying. The thought came to him suddenly. It almost made him laugh. I’m an old man, and I’m dying.
“Permission to come aboard.”
“ACK!” James nearly fell off the boat. Below him, on the water, was a face he hadn’t seen in years, and she hadn’t changed a bit. She had just emerged from the water like a mermaid, with something vague and mechanical below her. “Karen?”
“Hullo, James.” She smiled up at him. “What do you think of my ride? It’s called a submarine.”
“I’ve heard of them.” James nodded. “Never seen one before. I didn't realize they were available for one person to go sailing.”
“She’s new.” Karen said proudly. “I’m part of a team trying to build something entirely new for an expedition to clean up the bottom of the ocean, instead of the surface. It’s proving to be surprisingly difficult. We have to invent all sorts of new tech just to have a shot. It’ll take us decades to see it out, but…” She stopped herself before she could finish that sentence.
“But you have decades to spare, and decades more to relax; take your time and do it right.” James said it for her. “Not like me.”
Karen didn’t respond to that. “Can I come aboard? I’ve been below for almost two days, and would like to see the sun again.”
James nodded and went to get a rope ladder for her. “So, what made you look me up today, as if I didn’t know?”
“Atxi called me.” Karen nodded as she lashed her submarine to his motionless ship. “Her exact words were: ‘I don’t want him to be alone’.”
“That’s it? Nothing to say.” James gestured at himself. “Most everyone I meet has something to say about my poor life choices.”
“I told you years ago that there was a very real chance you wouldn’t make it.” She didn’t blink. “What more do I need to say that I haven’t said?”
“Hasn’t stopped anyone else.”
“And you sailed out across the horizon to get away from them.” Karen shot back. “Their hearts are in the right place. But you and I know differently, don’t we, Cap’n?”
“We do.” James nodded. “Old age is nothing to be ashamed of.”
“It was denied to both of us, once upon a time.” Karen nodded. “And I suppose it always will be, unless I do something royally stupid one day.”
James snorted, and they both watched the horizon for a while. He’d known her for almost seventy years, and here she was, looking achingly young and beautiful. She hadn’t changed a bit in face or body since he’d first met her. The comparison was not lost on him.
“I’m a little surprised Atxi couldn’t convince you.” Karen observed. “True Love does it for most people. Atxi’s seen you at your best and worst-”
“She’s never seen me close.” James cut her off. “This world stops you from being the worst of anything. If she’d known me back then, she’d get it.”
Karen shrugged. “If you say so. I wasn’t there.”
Silence.
“I used to think of God as the Ocean.” James said finally. “No deals to be made with it, because it’s so much bigger than you. Show respect, or get rolled.”
Karen grinned like a little kid. And without a word she made a quick jump, landing flawlessly on the railing, and making a neat swan-dive into the water. She didn’t come up for several moments, but was still smiling when she surfaced. “Just because it’s bigger than you can see? That doesn’t make it something to fear.” She called up to him.
James couldn’t help but smile at that.
~oo00oo~
Atxi had finally returned to look up Drew Thorne and get to work on ‘filling in the blanks’. The project had evolved as Drew had taken over part of the Museum, but there was still more than enough work to do. Atxi’s mind drifted constantly towards James; and Drew was kind enough to realize it.
In fact, Atxi wasn’t the only one dealing with just such an issue.
“David’s home with his father and I this week.” Drew said quietly to Atxi. “I understand you met Walter Emmerson some time ago? Well, we received word this morning through a mutual friend named Townsend. It looks like Walter isn’t inclined to make the Truth his own, and his time is nearly up.”
Atxi shivered. “You live with Undecided, you sort of forget what a Minority we are. But we are, aren’t we?”
“What’s this ‘we’?” Drew joshed her. “You made the same choice I did, Atxi.”
Atxi flushed. “I guess I did. It’s still new, so it hasn’t really sunk in yet; that I’m growing younger right now, or that I’ll never die…”
Drew hugged her tightly. She was old enough to be Atxi’s mother, and looked young enough to be her granddaughter; but they were sisters now; in all but name.
“I know you’re worried about James.” Drew said quietly. “David is worried about Walter. We’ve been praying all night. And David’s very touchy on the subject, given that his own mother waited a pretty long time compared to most.”
“I’m living proof that as long as there’s life, there’s hope.” Atxi offered. “At least, that’s what I keep telling myself whenever my James comes to mind.”
Drew bit her lip. “In fact, I should get back to my boy. Perhaps you’d like to come with me? Join us for dinner?”
~oo00oo~
Atxi knew she’d be intruding, but somehow found herself at the Thorne household for dinner anyway. It was the most uncomfortable she’d ever been in the company of believers. There was a cloud hanging over the table. Drew and Hitch made no effort to pretend it wasn’t there, or to keep the conversation moving, and Atxi suddenly realized she wasn’t there to distract David from his thoughts. She was there to empathize; because she was in the exact state David was in.
Over a meal that they barely ate, Atxi and David put each other in their respective stories.
“I only met Walter once or twice, but we’ve been walking similar roads for our entire time here.” Atxi said quietly. “The same could be said of James. I have no idea if…” Atxi shook her head. “Karen was the first person to meet James when he got here. Maybe it’ll make a difference, coming full circle.”
“I made the same argument about going to see Walter.” David commiserated. “But he was quite adamant. He didn’t want company.”
A Device started chiming as a call came in. David and Atxi looked sickly at each other, both checking their Devices.
“It’s mine.” David said quietly, and answered. “Townsend? Give me good news?”
Atxi couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation, but she could read the way David’s shoulders slumped. Drew came over to her son and rested a hand on him sympathetically.
~oo00oo~
Atxi withdrew from them, went out into the air; sitting on the front step for a moment.
Atxi started to pray. Dear God, I know it’s his choice. But please… please, please… Save James. If there’s something I need to do, something anyone can do, tell me now...
“Give Karen the bad news.”
Atxi jumped. Hitch had stepped out to join her. “I’m sorry?”
“You sent Karen to James, right? That means she’s in the right area. David just called Walter’s father, and apparently he doesn’t want to know about it. But Townsend needs transportation; and ditto for the body.”
~oo00oo~
Karen swam for a few more minutes, and James heard a chime from a distance. He followed the sound, and came to Karen’s device, resting on the deck with her jacket.
On the screen was a message, from Atxi. ‘Tell James that Walter died this morning. David just got the message.’
James checked to see Karen was still out of earshot, and picked up the device, tapping out a response. ‘Atxi, this is James. Why are you calling Karen about this?’
The answer came quickly. ‘I’m with Irsu and David’s mother, working on that book. David is here. He’s miserable. I know you’re in the area, since I sent Karen to meet you. We need someone to bring the body back.’
James jumped as Karen suddenly appeared, reading the conversation over his shoulder. “Funny thing about the world. The people in it find each other often. Too often to be a coincidence.”
James shook his head slowly. “I’ve had one conversation with Walter, or David; or David’s mother… And yet…”
“And yet here we all are, praying for you; pulling together on bad days.” Karen nodded. “You’re part of our story now, James. And we’re part of yours.”
~oo00oo~
Walter had lived in a form of self-imposed exile, fed up with the world. Those that lived in the area were glad to know that someone had made arrangements; and Karen and James collected the body without ever leaving the dock.
“He’s… He’s like me.” James said. “He died of old age.”
Karen nodded, and looked sideways at him. “How you doing over there, James?”
James said nothing. “It just dawned on me… I’ve never had anyone die of old age before. My parents were worked to death. Most of my crew either outlived me or died violently. One or two went overboard in a squall… The Undecided ‘age out’, but I come and go from there. I’ve never been there for it. I’ve never seen anyone die of old age before.”
Karen tapped at her Device for a few moments. “His name is Walter Emmerson. He was a big money type in OS. When he came here, he apparently didn’t make the truth a priority, since he wanted to make his fortune first. According to Brother…” She checked the name again. “Brother David Thorne, who was his Welcoming Committee, the way I was for you, Walter looked at this world and saw a chance to make major profits, with few taxes and regulations.”
James snorted. “I could have told him that was never going to work.”
“Oh?”
“I lived in a time before there were Regulations. The result was Children being put to work the second they could walk. The result was having workers paid in gruel till they dropped dead from exhaustion, like my parents. The result was narcotics available over the counter, because nobody cared to check what they were doing to paying customers.” He shook his head. “This world was never going to tolerate exploitation.” He almost laughed. “Human nature has changed, Miss Karen. Maybe that’s why I don’t fit in. Humanity has left itself behind.”
Karen smiled a bit. “We never really knew for sure, how much influence the Devil had over individuals. I don’t know if human nature has changed, or if it’s just had a chance to become the best it could become. If that’s what it is, then we’re still seven hundred years short of the finished product.” She pulled a large sheet from the guest rooms’ locker. “But I guess, some of us are finished early.”
The Pirate started to say something, and then turned, stalking back to his cabin.
Karen let him go, wrapping Walter’s body for transport.
~oo00oo~
James felt the ship turn. Karen was sailing them back to land. There was a time he would have given someone the lash for changing course without the Captain’s permission.
But James didn’t come out of his room for hours, until the sun grew low on the horizon. Finally, he smelled food cooking outside, and came to join her. She didn’t say anything, which was starting to grate on him more than the sermons he’d been hearing on land. She just pushed a plate at him. Bread and cheese. The same sort of food that he’d eaten back in the day, minus the salted pork or fish. She had eggs cooking on his hotplate. But she didn’t say a word.
Finally, he brought it up himself. “If I have to give up every single thing about myself, am I still me?”
“You are always you. There’s a reason we move from milk to meat in life. We are never what we were.”
“That’s not what I mean.” James said. “This place has taken every vice I ever indulged in, and everything I ever wanted for myself. I took a lot of blows in the Old Days. I had to fight for my right to have a name, Karen. I fought for it, and I came… so close. So, so close to having what I always wanted. And in all that time, I bled for no flag; and I bowed to no King. If I-”
“If you bow to God, you think that’s surrender?” Karen sneered lightly. “If you had pulled it off, and lived out your life as a wealthy man with a title and lands; you’d still be here; having to sort yourself out in a world you didn’t expect. What, you think Walter won some moral victory by having the last word? Because he doesn’t have the last anything. We’re all still here; and so is God.”
“You know why a Captain goes down with the ship?” James argued. “It’s because if it gets that bad, someone else went down first. The Captain is responsible for all of it. My crew was all brought back before me, because God decided I would be a bad influence if I got here before them.”
“You don’t really know what God was thinking, James; and neither do I.” Karen pointed out. “If you’re expecting pity, you won’t get any. You got what everyone got. The truth, a clean slate, and a whole lifetime to make up your mind.”
“I ask for nothing.” James said simply. “I see no point discussing it further.”
“Okay.” Karen said without blinking, and returned to the hotplate, where the eggs were ready. They ate in something of a charged silence; like they were screaming at each other without making a sound.
“I don’t know why it unsettles me suddenly.” James confessed finally.
“It’s because I’m here.” Karen counseled without blinking. “You’ve known me for decades, and my face hasn’t changed at all. You run supplies to that Island of Undecided; but you get those supplies from many different ports. You haven’t watched other people stay forever young because you keep moving. Atxi got older with with you. You never saw death as a defeat, because we all had to go through with it. But if you learned Smitty had some terminal illness that would take his life too soon; and then found out you had it too… Well, that would be a tragedy.”
James nodded, suddenly getting it. “A disease that you’re immune to.”
“Not immune, just protected from.” Karen countered. “If I ever stepped out from that protection, and didn’t make things right, I’d be just like Walter.”
“That doesn’t bother you? Your God has you on a leash that you’ll never get free of.”
“It’s not a leash. It’s loyalty. He made the universe; and I’m smart enough to realize that should count for something. Besides, back in my old life? Time, age, and the world in general had me on a far worse one. And it was crueler and harsher than anything you’ve had to face since you woke up on a beach and met me.” Karen fired back with heat. “And that’s not even counting the constant war I fought for every last inch of everything I had… until I just didn’t have any fight left in me anymore.” She glared at his fiercely. “And don’t pretend a pirate doesn’t know what that’s like.”
James had to nod. “I’ll give you that, I guess.”
She didn’t push him further, clearing their empty plates away. The table clear, she went out on deck. He followed, and they looked out to the ocean, where the sun was getting low.
“I’m dying, aren’t I?” He said finally. “I’ve waited too long, and I’ve… used up my time.”
Karen nodded, not unkindly. “Yes.”
“That’s why you changed our course, instead of taking Walter back with you in your submarine. Because you don’t have room for all three of us; and you can take back possession of the ship you bought me.”
Karen said nothing for a moment, but she had tears threatening to spill from her eyes. “The boat? You really think that’s why I’m here?”
“No.” James admitted. Those beautiful, ancient eyes in a young and perfect face… He thought, gazing at her. He was feeling cold and weak in his bones, and she was so alive it hurt to look at her. She could care less about the ship. She’s here for me. She was the first face I saw when I got here, and she’ll be the last...
“Do you think Walter feels victorious?” Karen asked, out of nowhere. “Do you think he believes he won?”
James was silent, looking at his last sunset. He was leaning heavily on the railing, strength failing him. “I’ve been dead before, Miss Karen. He don’t believe nothing anymore.”
“Yes.” Karen agreed. “What about you? You feel like you won some prize?”
“If I saw this face in the mirror, back in the day; I would have declared victory. Old and settled by a fireplace somewhere, relaxing in an easychair… It was the kind of dream that kept you warm on cold nights at sea.”
“What about now?” Karen asked. “Look at him, James. He’s in your cargo hold. Look at Walter, and tell me he did something romantic and noble, refusing to accept what his own senses were telling him.”
Silence. The sky was filled with glorious red and yellow, fire that blazed across the whole horizon, end to end. The ocean was calm enough that it shone with the same reflected glow. A far better sight to end on than a body in the hold.
“Back in the day, when a Pirate was captured, he could sometimes save himself.” James croaked quietly, finding it harder to breathe. “If he gave up his mates and licked boot convincingly, he’d be stuck for good, but maybe escape the noose. None of us had any respect for them. Didn’t your Witnesses have to make the same choice once, to renounce their Way, or die? How many of them bowed and scraped?”
“What are you dying for, James?” Karen asked. “You rebelled once, because the world was unjust; and you refused to play by its rules. What are you dying for now? Walter isn’t a Martyr. He had no cause to give his life for besides his own stubborn insistence that the world should be his way.”
“I don’t know why it eats at me.” James said again. “Most everyone I knew back then was hoping to die that way. Old age was a final victory to my kind.”
“Most everyone you knew back then? They’re alive, and look like me. Or they will, in time.” Karen said simply. “Now ask the question you’re not game to ask.”
“Would God accept me, given I waited so long?”
“So long? I’m over fifty years older than you, Captain.” She scoffed. “What’s time to God?”
“What I mean is, if I ask now, is it just because I can…” He put a hand to his chest. “Because I can feel it coming? I have no tolerance for deathbed repentance. It’s cowardice to think it still counts.”
Karen looked at him carefully. “You’ve been running supplies out to that Island of Undecided. You know why we call them that? Because you can still take back your choice, right up until the moment you’ve died. Walter can’t change his mind, because he’s wrapped in a shroud now.”
“Guess that’s true.”
“Now, my turn to ask a question.” Karen pointed a finger upwards. “If you did dedicate yourself, right now; and God said yes… Would you laugh, and say ‘fooled you’ or would you be grateful for the sheer compassion, after waiting so long?”
James’ vision dimmed, just for a moment, his back bending, losing strength. “I… I wanted to be one of the good guys. Really, I did. I knew the difference between ‘outlaw’ and ‘villain’. Even when I was straight up pillaging, I never wanted to be a bad person.”
Karen squeezed his hand. “I know.”
He didn’t let go of her hand as his eyes closed. His head felt heavy and he rested it on her shoulder. She was practically holding him up. “Jehovah God, I am a Pirate, a criminal, a killer, and a Sinner many times over. I have walked this world for decades, and I still don’t understand the rules. I have seen the wealthy shake their fist at you, and fall into death. I have seen naive boys become wise leaders of men, and my own pirate crew become righteous. I know that nobody beats the ocean, because it’s just too big for man to master. But I love it so. And that’s how I know it’s possible to say the same of You. If you’ll accept an old fool; I ask that you come into my life… And make of me whatever you can make of me.”
“Amen.” Karen said in his ear.
“Amen.” James agreed. Even as he let the breath out, James could feel his breath coming easier, feel the strength flowing back into him.
Karen was still holding his hand, smiling gently. She could have said something, but she didn’t. There would be time for that later.
There would be time for everything.
~oo00oo~
Atxi and Irsu were waiting on the Dock when the ship came back in from the Ocean. Axti was craning her neck, trying to see who was at the wheel, but the angles were all wrong…
She saw James walking down the gangplank once the ship docked, and she ran to him, tears in her eyes. One look was all she needed. His back was straighter, eyes clearer, and his stride stronger that she’d seen in years.
She slammed into him the second his foot hit the wharf, nearly knocking him over. He put his arms around her tightly.
“So.” She said softly into his shoulder, nearly blubbering. “What do you want to do tomorrow?”
“As it happens, I have a few ideas.” James said back, soft as a prayer. “But what’s the rush?”
No comments:
Post a Comment